Green Wyvern Yachting Club
A year or so ago there was a Wyvern cruise of the poets. This year, following advances in the design of time machines, Shakespeare was able to sail with us. He sailed in week four and kept a log which he kindly left with me. I give it as I received it below. Like anybody else, Shakespeare found sailing with the Wyvern a demanding and tiring experience. He must, therefore, be forgiven if some of his lines are not up to his usual high standard of scansion.
| DRAMATIS PERSONAE | |
| Macpip, Thane of Fife Norfolk Hertford Leicester, an English Nobleman Mousehold Kent |
Doctor of Dublin Duncan, an ale house keeper Three hags Sailors, messengers, crowds |
| ACT 1 SCENE 1. The lofty towers of Cantley cathedral; in front a tavern by the river, a small heath beside. It is long past closing time. |
|
| Innkeeper | At once, good night: Stand not upon the order of your going, But go at once. [Exeunt all but Macpip who leaves the inn and walks across the heath. Enter 3 hags] |
| Macpip | How now thou black and secret midnight hags? |
| First Hag | All hail Macpip, thane of Fife! |
| Sec Hag | All hail Macpip, that shall be Prince of Norwich! |
| Third Hag | All hail Macpip, that should be King of Ellingham hereafter! [The hags vanish; Macpip leaves for his ship, lost in thought] |
| SCENE 2 | The same; it is morning; enter Macpip and noblemen. |
| Lords | Of thy intents desire we instruction That we preparedly may frame ourselves To the way we’re forced to. |
| Macpip | My lords today to Norwich. |
| Lords | And if the breeze stay soft and gentle? |
| Macpip | Ere the clock strike one, Shall all refresh their parched thirst At ale house near’st the ship the first. |
| SCENE 3 | An alehouse at Bramerton Woods End; enter all |
| Leicester | I think this be the most villanous house on all the Yare; The ale is dear and taste too foul to bear. How, my lord, shall Norwich we take? |
| Macpip | As did Northumberland but twelve nights since The bridge at Yarmouth take by storm: When Basingstoke by winged Mercury - or was it telecom? - Did message send to keeper of the bridge; Who later, at the signal agreed, did open. Whereon Northumberland and all his fleet Swept down and put the mighty Blake to rout. |
| Hertford | Cans’t not be done so; too many are the bridges And firmly fixed they are. |
| Macpip | Then put us all our force on a single vessel stout And by mast and quant and sail fine Norwich city rout. Our other vessels by Norfolk safely moored On King’s Head’s safe and comely broad. |
| ACT 2 SCENE 1 |
On board Stella Genesta. The ship is a man’s length from the railway viaduct. |
| Hertford | Sail down! |
| All | Sail down! |
| Hertford | Mast down! |
| All | Mast down! [They shoot the bridge] |
| Hertford | Mast up! |
| All | Mast up! |
| Hertford | Sail up! |
| All | Sail up! |
| SCENE 2. | Outside the King’s Head tavern. Norfolk has finished his cucumber sandwiches and tea. A messenger arrives. |
| Norfolk | How goes my lord Macpip? |
| Messenger | Shortly to return in triumph my lord. Down-upped were sail and mast some ten times done With such practised art the ship ne’er faltered once. And by the river bank lay lovers startled Who cried a ‘sail, a sail!’ Till at the new mills did Norwich yield. Whilst now, with fouling wind and cling fast weed The ship with oar and quanting sticks Does battle to return. |
| SCENE 3 | Outside the King’s Head tavern. It is morning. |
| Macpip | To Langley dyke by Brundall may all make haste. [They all set off] |
| ACT 3 SCENE 1. |
A small heath between the Langley ale house and mooring dyke. It is near midnight; all have returned to their ships except Macpip who is crossing the heath when the hags suddenly appear. |
| Macpip | I conjure you; answer me to what I ask. |
| Hags | We know thy thought; hear what we say and answer nought. |
| First Hag | Macpip, Macpip, Macpip. beware Hoseason! |
| Sec Hag | Be bloody bold and resolute; laugh to scorn The power of man, for none of woman born Shall harm Macpip. |
| Third Hag | Macpip shall never vanquished be until Bram’ton Wood to Duncan’s Hill shall come |
| Macpip | My reign must be secure For all such lie beyond the law. |
| SCENE 2 | Same; it is morning and already very hot. [Enter all] |
| All | And whence to Ellingham? |
| Macpip | Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. |
| Leicester | Of wind there’s none and tide soon gone. Can Beccles really still be on? |
| Macpip | To B. or not to B.? That is the question. |
| Let’s not decide but fortune take us for our guide. | |
| SCENE 3 | Inside a tavern near to Haddiscoe; all are present except the crew of Puck |
| Kent | O monstrous toil! From nine till noon gone, under Nature’s blazing lamp, Nature herself too hot to breathe; with oar and quanting stick, To the bridge at Reedham made we our way. Salt fearful drops stood on our boiling flesh. Just through the bridge we met the new made flood, Almost too much to fight for flesh and blood. |
| All | We the same |
| Mousehold | But Hertford is not yet come. |
| Leicester | Worry not; his bark is stoutly timber’d and his pilot Of very expert and approved allowance. [They return to their ships and find Puck has arrived; they sail slowly to Somerleyton] |
| ACT 4 SCENE 1. |
The next day. The river bank by Duncan’s Lane at Somerleyton. Dawn has only just broken; there is no wind. |
| Leicester | I heard a voice cry ‘sleep no more!’ Macpip doth murder sleep. |
| Norfolk | Gentlemen in England now a-bed Should think themselves accursed they were not here. |
| Hertford | Now lower masts and take the flood. [They put out and drift towards the bridge] |
| Norfolk | An oar! An oar! My kingdom for an oar! |
| Doctor | My lord there is no need for such extreme Stout quant we have and bottom still the stream. [They all quant to the Waveney ale house moorings for breakfast] |
| SCENE 2. | At the moorings by the Waveney ale house. |
| Macpip | We’ll bat the tide to three horseshoes cove and thence refreshment take Till flood to Beccles make. Too far it is to Guildenstern today. |
| All | To Three Horseshoes Cove! |
| SCENE 3. | Inside the inn at Beccles. |
| Macpip | My lords, we need more time for Ellingham Tomorrow to Waveney and Oulton we make way. |
| SCENE 4. | The next day at lunch time. All are gathered in the Waveney inn. A political discussion is taking place. |
| Kent | Mere prattle, without practice, Is all his statesmanship. But he, sir, had the election. |
| Hertford | Oftentimes, to win us to our harm, The instruments of party tell us truths Win us with honest trifles, to betray’s In deepest consequence. |
| Write and tell them so! | |
| Kent | And be these juggling fiends no more believed. That palter with us in a double sense; That keep the word of promise to our ear, And break it to our hope. |
| Norfolk | Write and tell them so! [They all leave and sail for Oulton.] |
| ACT 5 SCENE I. |
The quay side at Oulton called Knight’s Creek. Puck is just arriving and looking for a mooring. There is a crowd on the quay. Hertford shouts some instruction. |
| Norfolk | A pox o’ your throat, you bawling, blasphemous, uncharitable dog! |
| Hertford | Methinks thy voice is alter’d; and thou speak’st In better phrase and matter than before. |
| There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain. | |
| Crowd | What means this din? |
| Doctor | Tis but a spectacle, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing. [All moor and next day sail to Duncan’s Lane.] |
| SCENE 2. | Inside Duncan’s inn; all are there. |
| Duncan | What are these, So wither’d, and so wild in their attire, That look not like inhabitants o’ the earth, And yet are on’t? |
| Macpip | Good landlord, tis the Wyvern. |
| Leicester | Mousehold! Your round! |
| Mousehold | O villain! Thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drinkest last. |
| Leicester | And many hours ere inn closeth yet. [On hearing this Macpip pales] |
| Hertford | Good sir, why do you start, and seem to fear Things that do sound so fair? [Enter a messenger] |
| Messenger | My lord Macpip! A ship of Hoseason is arrived helmed by a most fearsome son of a bitch. |
| Macpip | It’s name? |
| Messenger | Bram’ton Woods. |
| Macpip | I am undone; my reign must end For Bram’ton Wood has come to Duncan’s Lane Helmed by a man of no woman born. Nothing for it but to have some more beer, And ElIingham try for another year. |
THE END AH |
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