A Green Wyvern cruise is sometimes not what it seems though, heaven knows, the Club boasts the best actors outside equity!
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE
Waveney House Hotel, Beccles ;
Present Puck, Shruff, Force Four;
Absent: Sparklet (en-route)
MONSIEUR PIP: Bonjeur mes amis, ce soir nous allons a Geldeston Locks.
FLEET: Bon.
SCENE TWO
Geldeston Locks;
Present: Puck, Shruff;
Absent:Sparklet, Force Four
HERR PIP (in poor Teutonic accent): Zie pub is closed.
FLEET: Mein Gott
HERR PIP: Ve vill go to zie village.
FLEET: Gut.
SCENE THREE
The bifurcation;
Present: Puck, Sparklet (en-route from Beccles)
ANDY (fortissimo): Pip! What the blazes is going on?
SENOR PIP (in even worse Hispanic accent): El pubbo is shutto. Go to the village.
ANDY: You must go downriver and tell Force Four.
SENOR PIP: Si.
ACT TWO
SCENE ONE
100 yards down river from the bifurcation;
Present:Puck
MONSIEUR PIP: Eh bien, mon brave. Heurusement, je suis one of the most laid back
skippers dans le Green Wyvern.
(Crew of Puck perplexed by improbable statement.)
SCENE TWO
Half a mile do wn river from the bifurcation.;
Present: Puck (sailing downriver),; Force Four (sailing upriver in the distance)
HERR PIP: Zer ist Force Four. They can see us now. Go about Johann.
JOHANN: Jawohl mein commodore.
(Puck goes about.)
HERR PIP: Donner und blitzen! Force Four has gone about too and is sailing back to Beccles. We’re doomed!
Herr Pip launches into 5 minutes of expletives deleted, while contemplating his vanishing reputation as a commodore.)
HERR PIP: Johann, go about and follow Force Four.
EMMA: But we’ll have to go all the way back to Beccles again. Permission for lower lip to wobble Herr Pip?
HERR PIP: (heartlessly): Denied.
(Puck goes about again.)
SCENE THREE
Half a minute later. Puck heading downriver; Force Four appears heading upriver.
MONSIEUR PIP: Merci Dieu. Ils sont ici. It was a cruel optical illusion played by the upper Waveney. AlIons a Geldeston village.
CREW OF PUCK: Huzzal
(Exeunt Puck and Force Four to Geldeston village to live happily ever after)
JCD
1998